If planets had social media, the solar system would be an absolute circus of subtweets, job flexes, and existential crises. Here’s a breakdown of the most chaotic feeds in the galaxy.
Mercury – Twitter (or whatever it’s called now)
The fastest planet in the solar system is constantly live-tweeting while orbiting at breakneck speed. Most posts are either typo-riddled thoughts typed too fast or passive-aggressive rants about being blamed for retrogrades.
- “Just went retrograde again. Not my fault if texts get weird. Cope.”
- “Speeding around the Sun like it’s a Formula 1 race. Lapped Earth again. Slow planet energy.”
Venus – Instagram
Venus is serving celestial influencer energy, posting aesthetically curated pictures of sunsets, candlelit dinners, and perfectly arranged lattes.
- Caption: “Love is in the air #GoddessVibes #RetrogradeWho”
- Story poll: “Should I post more golden-hour selfies or planetary skincare routines?”
Earth – Facebook
Earth is that one friend who overshares. The timeline is flooded with posts about climate change, local disasters, and random updates about what’s for dinner.
- “Just had an earthquake AND a hurricane in the same week. Might delete later.”
- “Stop littering. Literally begging.”
Mars – Reddit
Mars is deep in conspiracy subreddits, arguing about space colonization and whether water was actually found. Every comment thread turns into an argument about who’s the real warrior planet.
- “Ask me anything about war, exploration, and why I’m better than Venus.”
- “Elon’s not ready for me. Change my mind.”
Jupiter – YouTube
Jupiter is out here posting long, dramatic documentary-style videos about how it’s the biggest and most powerful planet.
- “The Truth About the Great Red Spot (Not Clickbait)”
- “Top 10 Moons Ranked – Featuring Ganymede and Io”
Saturn – LinkedIn
Saturn is a career mentor, constantly humblebragging about discipline, structure, and how important it is to “trust the process.”
- “Another successful orbit. Hard work and perseverance always pay off. #Grind #Success #NoExcuses”
- “Rings are earned, not given. Let’s connect.”
Pluto – Change.org
Pluto never recovered from being downgraded and is running a full-time campaign for planetary status reinstatement.
- “SIGN THE PETITION. I AM A PLANET. DON’T LET NASA BULLY ME.”
- “Dwarf planet?
Nah . That’s just discrimination.”
Discover everything about astrology at the Times of India, including daily horoscopes for Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces.
