If planets had social media, the solar system would be an absolute circus of subtweets, job flexes, and existential crises. Here’s a breakdown of the most chaotic feeds in the galaxy.
Mercury – Twitter (or whatever it’s called now)
The fastest planet in the solar system is constantly live-tweeting while orbiting at breakneck speed. Most posts are either typo-riddled thoughts typed too fast or passive-aggressive rants about being blamed for retrogrades.
- “Just went retrograde again. Not my fault if texts get weird. Cope.”
- “Speeding around the Sun like it’s a Formula 1 race. Lapped Earth again. Slow planet energy.”
Venus – Instagram
Venus is serving celestial influencer energy, posting aesthetically curated pictures of sunsets, candlelit dinners, and perfectly arranged lattes.
- Caption: “Love is in the air #GoddessVibes #RetrogradeWho”
- Story poll: “Should I post more golden-hour selfies or planetary skincare routines?”
Earth – Facebook
Earth is that one friend who overshares. The timeline is flooded with posts about climate change, local disasters, and random updates about what’s for dinner.
- “Just had an earthquake AND a hurricane in the same week. Might delete later.”
- “Stop littering. Literally begging.”
Mars – Reddit
Mars is deep in conspiracy subreddits, arguing about space colonization and whether water was actually found. Every comment thread turns into an argument about who’s the real warrior planet.
- “Ask me anything about war, exploration, and why I’m better than Venus.”
- “Elon’s not ready for me. Change my mind.”
Jupiter – YouTube
Jupiter is out here posting long, dramatic documentary-style videos about how it’s the biggest and most powerful planet.
- “The Truth About the Great Red Spot (Not Clickbait)”
- “Top 10 Moons Ranked – Featuring Ganymede and Io”
Saturn – LinkedIn
Saturn is a career mentor, constantly humblebragging about discipline, structure, and how important it is to “trust the process.”
- “Another successful orbit. Hard work and perseverance always pay off. #Grind #Success #NoExcuses”
- “Rings are earned, not given. Let’s connect.”
Pluto – Change.org
Pluto never recovered from being downgraded and is running a full-time campaign for planetary status reinstatement.
- “SIGN THE PETITION. I AM A PLANET. DON’T LET NASA BULLY ME.”
- “Dwarf planet? Nah. That’s just discrimination.”
Discover everything about astrology at the Times of India, including daily horoscopes for Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces.