If Mercury Retrograde had a face, it would be that one friend who swears they didn’t
mean
to cause chaos but somehow left a trail of destruction anyway. The human equivalent of a “We Need to Talk” text. The kind of personality that would crash a wedding just to “see how things are going.”
Here’s what Mercury Retrograde
really
thinks about everyone:
Aries – “Impulse Control? Never Heard of It.”
Expect every unfiltered thought to turn into a regrettable text. Mercury Retrograde watches in amusement as Aries burns bridges at record speed, only to dramatically rebuild them two weeks later.
Taurus – “Clutch That Wallet Like It’s Oxygen.”
Retrograde knows Taurus just tried to buy
one
thing and ended up signing up for a premium subscription to something completely unnecessary. It’s okay, that overpriced candle
probably
smells life-changing.
Gemini – “Word Vomit Activated.”
For a sign that thrives on communication, Mercury Retrograde turns every sentence into an accidental insult or an overly complicated explanation that even
they
don’t understand.
Cancer – “Cry Now, Cry Later, Cry Again.”
Retrograde just sits back and lets Cancer reread every old conversation, convinced that one slightly dry reply from 2019 was
definitely
personal.
Leo – “Prepare for Technical Difficulties (and Drama).”
The selfie won’t upload, the spotlight won’t shine, and the grand entrance is ruined. Mercury Retrograde thrives on this chaos.
Virgo – “Perfectly Calculated Plans? Cute.”
Everything Virgo meticulously scheduled is now an unsolvable maze of delays, typos, and
why does the printer suddenly hate them?
Libra – “Decisions? Try Again Later.”
Retrograde has Libra spinning in circles over the simplest choices. Picking a movie? Forget it. Answering a message? That’s a tomorrow problem.
Scorpio – “The Past is Calling… Pick Up?”
Mercury Retrograde loves digging up old drama like a rejected reality show producer. And Scorpio
will
answer that call just to prove a point.
Sagittarius – “Guess Who Booked the Wrong Flight?”
Nothing says “Mercury Retrograde” like a Sagittarius lost in an airport, swearing the ticket
definitely
said the right city.
Capricorn – “The Boss is Out of Office.”
The workaholic of the zodiac suddenly forgets how to send an email. Retrograde watches in delight as Capricorn questions
everything
.
Aquarius – “Glitches Are Just a Concept.”
While everyone else is losing their minds, Aquarius casually embraces the weirdness, convinced Mercury Retrograde is just a simulation update.
Pisces – “Living in a Flashback.”
Retrograde knows Pisces will be deep in nostalgia, lost in an emotional Spotify playlist, wondering if that childhood dream of being a pirate was
actually
achievable.
In short, Mercury Retrograde isn’t
evil
—it’s just an agent of pure, unfiltered chaos.
Discover everything about astrology at the Times of India, including daily horoscopes for Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces.