If planets had desi moms, the solar system would be less about orbits and more about unsolicited advice, guilt trips, and the occasional
log kya kahenge
lecture.
Mercury’s Mom – “Why So Fast? Slow Down, Beta!”
Zooming around the Sun like a neighborhood kid on a sugar rush, Mercury’s mom keeps reminding it to slow down. “Koi shanti nahi hai. How will you ever settle down at this speed?”
Venus’s Mom – “All This Beauty, But Where’s the Sanskar?”
Venus, the glamour icon, hears the same thing every day: “Makeup won’t find you a good rishta. Learn to cook, or else your in-laws will talk.”
Earth’s Mom – “Keep the House Clean! Guests Are Coming!”
Earth can’t catch a break. “This pollution, these messes—sab kuch saaf karo! What if a guest planet visits? Do you want them to say we don’t maintain our home properly?”
Mars’s Mom – “Enough With the Anger. Get Married Already!”
Mars is too busy being the ‘angry young man’ of the solar system. “Sharma Ji’s son is an engineer, and you’re still fighting dust storms? Shaadi kab karoge?”
Jupiter’s Mom – “Bas Khaate Raho, Koi Exercise Nahi!”
Being the biggest planet is not a flex in a desi household. “Look at Saturn! So slim, so graceful. And you? Just eating, eating, eating!”
Saturn’s Mom – “These Rings Are Just For Show? Do Something With Them!”
Saturn’s rings are its pride, but desi moms don’t believe in just looking good. “Shaadi ke lehenga bhi kam mehenga tha! At least use them to impress some nice planet.”
Uranus’s Mom – “Stop Being So Different. Be Normal!”
Tilting sideways like a rebellious teenager, Uranus hears it all the time: “Why can’t you sit straight like Jupiter? Sab planets seedhe ghoom rahe hain, ek tum ho.”
Neptune’s Mom – “Always Lost in Your Thoughts. Do Something Productive!”
Drifting far away and daydreaming isn’t an option. “Physics ya commerce lo, bas poet banne ki zaroorat nahi!”
Pluto’s Mom – “Beta, Don’t Worry. You’re Still My Planet.”
Pluto may have been demoted, but a desi mom’s love remains unconditional. “For me, you’ll always be the best. Now eat something, you look weak.”
The solar system might run on gravity, but in this version, guilt-trips and
taanas
hold it together.
Discover everything about astrology at the Times of India, including daily horoscopes for Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces.
